Thank you for putting your words and feelings into something that I (and probably many of us) think, but somehow can't express as clearly. It's the same for me. And I think it is the best choice.
I also dream with my girl. Sometimes I see her clearly in my dreams, but the idea of losing me or her is too much, especially in this crazy world.
I am the daughter of divorced parents (since I was 1 year old) and the pain, as you said, is still there. I'm healing, but this will always be the ghost that have shaped who I am. I also think a lot about my mental health and the thought of passing on some genetic and ancestral traumas and illnesses to the person I'd probably love most in my life is just unbearable.
Gabriela thank you for your words; I'm happy that I managed to convey a feeling that's shared by others! It's a difficult choice and facing the reality that this dream might never come true is in itself a small heartbreak
Sonia, I hope you rarely second guess all of the reasons you’ve offered eloquently here. I am a mom of three (27, 23, 17) all beautiful wonderful human beings. Everything you wrote here has haunted me as I mothered them for decades. These are real concerns and consequences. I tell my daughters all the time, yes, motherhood is tender but I tell them I don’t think it’s worth the sacrifice. I want them to have a different perspective/choice that nobody talked about in the early 90s. I want them to sit down and really think about how they want to shape their lives and be real with their own realities of self and what matters most before entering motherhood. Thanks for contributing to this topic
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective and your experience as a mother. Your honesty and care for your daughters' futures are admirable.
I truly appreciate your kind words and hope that the conversation continues to encourage reflection about a traditional way of doing things. Just to make sure that’s something one truly wants, and it isn’t just following what they’re used to seeing
Oh my god did you read my diary?!? You’ve voiced so incredibly clearly all of the thoughts I have rolling around in my head about being a mom. I want motherhood so badly but how could I possibly bring a baby into the world when it could do them so much harm? I love my imaginary baby so dearly that I don’t know if I could ever give them life! Thank you for writing this. Also, your baby name list is beautiful and we have so much overlap on it it’s crazy 💌
Sonia I just came across your piece and was shocked at how much of what you said resonates with me. In fact I wrote the same but different recently and now having find yours I see I’m not alone in the feeling.
Constanza, that's at once incredible and heartbreaking to think that if just us two had the same reflection and formulated in just weeks apart, then how many others there must be thinking those thoughts.
I read your piece, and I appreciate how you focus on the external pressure there is and the demand for women to explain themselves for their choices, which should remain personal
There have been so few men that have been able to give me faith over the thoughts and feelings you expressed, here; but the moment they leave, I go back to not wanting children, and wonder how I ever felt, that one day, I could be a mother
Thank you for putting your words and feelings into something that I (and probably many of us) think, but somehow can't express as clearly. It's the same for me. And I think it is the best choice.
I also dream with my girl. Sometimes I see her clearly in my dreams, but the idea of losing me or her is too much, especially in this crazy world.
I am the daughter of divorced parents (since I was 1 year old) and the pain, as you said, is still there. I'm healing, but this will always be the ghost that have shaped who I am. I also think a lot about my mental health and the thought of passing on some genetic and ancestral traumas and illnesses to the person I'd probably love most in my life is just unbearable.
Gabriela thank you for your words; I'm happy that I managed to convey a feeling that's shared by others! It's a difficult choice and facing the reality that this dream might never come true is in itself a small heartbreak
Sonia, I hope you rarely second guess all of the reasons you’ve offered eloquently here. I am a mom of three (27, 23, 17) all beautiful wonderful human beings. Everything you wrote here has haunted me as I mothered them for decades. These are real concerns and consequences. I tell my daughters all the time, yes, motherhood is tender but I tell them I don’t think it’s worth the sacrifice. I want them to have a different perspective/choice that nobody talked about in the early 90s. I want them to sit down and really think about how they want to shape their lives and be real with their own realities of self and what matters most before entering motherhood. Thanks for contributing to this topic
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective and your experience as a mother. Your honesty and care for your daughters' futures are admirable.
I truly appreciate your kind words and hope that the conversation continues to encourage reflection about a traditional way of doing things. Just to make sure that’s something one truly wants, and it isn’t just following what they’re used to seeing
Oh my god did you read my diary?!? You’ve voiced so incredibly clearly all of the thoughts I have rolling around in my head about being a mom. I want motherhood so badly but how could I possibly bring a baby into the world when it could do them so much harm? I love my imaginary baby so dearly that I don’t know if I could ever give them life! Thank you for writing this. Also, your baby name list is beautiful and we have so much overlap on it it’s crazy 💌
The response that so many other women echo my feelings has been insane, but also, our baby names overlapping?! Crazy work 💞
Sonia I just came across your piece and was shocked at how much of what you said resonates with me. In fact I wrote the same but different recently and now having find yours I see I’m not alone in the feeling.
https://open.substack.com/pub/theflowerofevil/p/to-my-unborn-child?r=1gt996&utm_medium=ios
Constanza, that's at once incredible and heartbreaking to think that if just us two had the same reflection and formulated in just weeks apart, then how many others there must be thinking those thoughts.
I read your piece, and I appreciate how you focus on the external pressure there is and the demand for women to explain themselves for their choices, which should remain personal
There have been so few men that have been able to give me faith over the thoughts and feelings you expressed, here; but the moment they leave, I go back to not wanting children, and wonder how I ever felt, that one day, I could be a mother
I learned at sixteen I’d never carry a child. What a tender and powerful piece of writing. Thank you for sharing.
Molly, I cannot even imagine having such a choice taken away from you and losing that agency over it, I’m so sorry
you made me yearn for someone that i know i will never have. beautifully written, sonia.
🤍
Oh this just ruined me. Beautiful
Thank you Haley and at the same time-I’m sorry
Beautiful read Sonia
Thank you Claire!